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From my oldest: my parents play d&d with some of their friends and i’m listening to the women in the group rate my dad’s last dungeon crawl like it’s up there on fantasy yelp… “0/4 stars. we

The person who proofread Hitler's speeches was a Grammar Nazi.

ftfy

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No Doubt released ‘Spiderwebs’ in 1995.  The music video looked incredibly dated by the end of the decade, given its imagery of using phone cords to entangle Gwen Stefani in the metaphorical spiderwebs... In ‘95 phones with cords were on their way out, by ‘99 even my grandparents had replaced their home phones with cordless handsets.

Twenty-five years later, the whole song is probably nonsensical to today’s teens.

 

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If you know how to force the right phone number onto telemarketer calls, please share.  The point of having a phone is wasted if I have to have a white list to avoid that oh-so-important message to Carol about anti-cancer drugs.  (And if I ever fid out who Carol is who entered my phone number on some useless form I won't be able to visit Raindog ever again.)

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14 hours ago, WestRider said:

I was pretty spacy when I went to the dentist the other day. When the dental hygienist was doing the COVID screening and asked if I had a recent loss of taste, I replied "No, I dress like this all the time".

I get asked daily at the Health Department: "Do you have any of these symptoms?"
Like duh, it's called asthma, now get a life

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The Fantasy Flight Games Rogue Trader RPG labeled them as “Renegades,” although it was uncommon for them to totally betray the Imperium as a whole. Usually it was due to political intrigues and conflicts between Dynasties that would get a Rogue Trader branded a Renegade. Kind of like the conflicts between Puritan and Radical Inquisitors, Magisterial and Shrouded Navigator Navigator Houses, et cetera.

The companion game line, Black Crusade, introduced the “Pirate Prince of the Ragged Helix” archetype. Basically a Rogue Trader who served Chaos and was Slaanesh-aligned by default. Just in case you thought that the garden variety Rogue Traders weren’t pompous, hedonistic, avaricious, and Machiavellian enough.

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GEICO Insurance, I declare thee enemy!

Their commercials are equal parts relentless and unfunny. Typically, they have 3 concurrent commercial series, which is just absurd. There's always the gecko ones, and then there's usually 2 different campaigns whose approach is best described as "betcha didn't see that one coming." Like they write jokes the same way people play Cards Against Humanity--thinking that randomness for the sake of randomness is an interesting form of comedy.

Well now their relentlessness and unfunniness has reached a fever pitch. Not only have they invaded the podcast realm, but their "your house is talking to you" themed commercials are just incoherent.

Granted, being a joke writer for commercials barely qualifies one as a professional, but the fact that someone was paid money after writing the line (again from the house to the home owner): "...and one more thing: when you read your murder mysteries, would you mind reading them outloud? But...not the murder parts, those scare me."

How does the house know the murder parts scare it if it has not yet heard the books?!? I know they want us to be asking "why is the house asking to hear a murder mystery if it's scared of murders?"

To which, their crack writers' room would inevitably reply "I know, right?!" With expectant looks on their faces.

But we can't get to the knockoff Family Guy jokes until you start adhering to basic joke structure.

Here's how you properly execute that joke (if you must). It's classic setup/punchline. 

Setup: House asks "hey, would you mind reading your murder mysteries outloud?"

[Break with commercial info]

Punchline (implying time has passed): "On second thought, could you keep the murder parts to yourself? They scare me."

 

Still not a great joke, but it at least makes sense that way. 

Why can't you be more like Progressive?!

 

 

...

Note to self: cancel GEICO insurance soon.

 

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There was a brief run of 3-5 issues of the Deadpool comic where his image inducer – a sort of holographic disguise – got damaged and left him stuck with the face of “Thom Cruz.”

I don’t know how much it would cost to hire him for a single day of filming, but it would be hilariously meta to bring in the actual Tom Cruise for a scene. 

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3 minutes ago, Ish said:

There was a brief run of 3-5 issues of the Deadpool comic where his image inducer – a sort of holographic disguise – got damaged and left him stuck with the face of “Thom Cruz.”

I don’t know how much it would cost to hire him for a single day of filming, but it would be hilariously meta to bring in the actual Tom Cruise for a scene. 

After his appearance in Tropic Thunder, I believe he'd do it.

 

Or get Matt damon to play thom Cruz 

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