smashthedean Posted April 26, 2014 Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 For the last few weeks there has been a guy named Chris showing up to board game night that has been a bit of a problem. Joey and Christian were talking about him this Tuesday at NYP and I had the chance to see what they were talking about last night. Basically he's not a good sport about games he's playing, gets angry, calls people names, tries to sneakily cheat, is something of a know-it-all, and is generally abrasive to play with. Now, I like to think of the Warhamsters as a fairly inclusive community, but I think this guy is crossing the line between just a weird personality that we can accept and come to love and a genuine dick. That said, I feel like it would be going a little too far to just ban him or shun him at this point so I'm thinking someone needs to sit him down and talk to him about what the problem is and that it is really just not a cool thing to do. I'm thinking that I might take this on next Friday, but wanted to get a feel from everybody before I do so. Do you guys think this is a good idea? Is his name Chris (i think it is)? Can you guys who had bad experiences with him elaborate on those a little more so if I do talk to him, I can give him some concrete examples of things that are not cool? Hopefully I'm not being too weird about this, but everyone who has played with the guy has had serious problems and it seems like it's worth addressing in a way other than just shunning him or having to deal with him. He was asking about X-Wing stuff on Friday when Joey was demoing the game and I really didn't feel like having him show up at any events I might run as things are so I feel like this needs to be addressed. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuxxRazzys Posted April 26, 2014 Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 I don't have any concrete examples as I tend to just avoid playing games with him if I can help it and have been fairly successful. That being said I think talking to him and maybe explaining the expectations we have of our players may help straighten things out for him. (Also I was the one playing X-wing against Joey) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMGraham Posted April 26, 2014 Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 If someone is making others uncomfortable and not wanting to play with him, they definitely deserve an up-front, honest conversation. I haven't been doing board-game nights, and I don't know the guy, but I'd hate for other to be driven away from our gaming community because of it. Kacy, if you're willing to do this (and others agree), that's be awesome. Letting him know how concerned we are with maintaining a positive, friendly, and sporting community, and giving him feedback about how his specific behaviors are affecting others seems warranted. I'd also be comfortable with you presenting yourself as a representative of the Warhamster community, so that you don't come across as a lone soul whose opinion doesn't matter. I hope others chime in on this, though. We've got an amazing community, and it'd be great to keep it that way. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherbert Posted April 26, 2014 Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 cant we just vote him off the island or something like that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munkie Posted April 26, 2014 Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 I haven't been able to do the board game nights but from what I've heard he seems out of line. The longer nobody says anything, the more his behavior might drive people away. That, we can't abide. I'd be willing to talk to him myself but since I've never been, I don't think a perfect stranger having a sit down will have the desired effect. I'd rather not resort to asking him to leave as it is Nathaniel's store and not really our call to make. Since he hasn't been spoken to yet (as far as we know), it's only fair that he be given a chance to course-correct. Some people are just plain socially oblivious and he may not even know he's acting inappropriately. If we address our concerns and nothing changes, then we can tell him he's no longer invited to our games. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalmer Posted April 26, 2014 Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 Hello there, Just my two cents, but then again conflict is my job so take it for what it's worth with regards to experience, training, etc. ONE. If the Warhamsters have a code of conduct, POST IT IN THE GAME ROOM IN CONSPICIOUS AREAS. Each wall could have tastefully printed up propaganda that not only (a) advertises the gaming community locally; (b) lists the code of conduct that is tolerated and © shows that you folks are serious about having a healthy, community-oriented gaming community. I seriously doubt Mr. Williams would have a problem posting small framed things on the walls in conspicuous areas as it would look better for the business as well imho. That way no one can claim ignorance. TWO. If it's just occurring on board game night, someone from board game night has to bring it up, or contextually it loses its impact. If folks at board game night are uncomfortable with this, then they should let an EMPLOYEE know... as ultimately the business is what will suffer if folks stop coming around. The business allows the gaming group to gather in a quid pro quo fashion so we are respectful, represent the local gaming community well, buy stuff, etc. etc. and the employees can keep the harmony inside the business. If this guy's being a jack@$$ then the "offical" representatives of the business should deal with him when it occurs. Now, if folks wanna be nice about it then talk to him in during game night first and THEN go to employees if it doesn't take. But I've found that the average person won't start the conversation, hoping someone else will or just avoiding the person. Just my thoughts and would be happy to help in any way I can. You folks have a positive, welcoming community that folks like... let's make sure that (a) folks know about it; (b) folks know the expectations and © folks know the consequences. Stay safe, don 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sergentzimm Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 Wow I miss a few weeks and the rif raf come in. Don you are spot on. Having been on the store side, this is something they need to know about as well. It's hard to say if they know being friday night magic. Having someone show up that is causing a ruccus can cause the night to fail and nobody wants that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fix Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 Give him nerd hell, Kacy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiccus Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 Yeah, I am normally a very chill sort of person that lets odd or abrasive behavior go but this guy just pisses me off to no end. I was actually thinking of talking to him if I was down next week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X-Link Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 Just to add to this a little. He is a little hard to be around and if there is anyone meek in the room or not overly confident he's going to have a largely negative effect on them. I think a quick chat would be totally fine. On a second note I think Nathaniel would be a good person to do it being both the lord of the land and someone who is good at social situations. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMGraham Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 I definitely think we should chat with Nathaniel first about the issue, but I really think it's up to us to police our own club. Nathaniel gives the Warhamsters a home, but ultimately, the well-being of the club is in our hands. Kacy, will you have a chance to run stuff by Nathaniel and see what he thinks? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raak Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 Yeah, I have to say, as soon as we start asking Nathaniel to police Warhamster matters it makes us seem a bit more of a liability than an asset. just my two cents. Also I haven't met this guy but it sounds as if he has people fairly riled up. Might I suggest someone who doesn't anger or get exasperated easily talking to him? If it should escalate to harsh words or worse (Sorry, I'm a worst case scenario kind of guy) then we have already lost the battle. Again, just my opinion. EDIT: I will obviously NOT be the one volunteering to talk to him (just making that clear) :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sounder Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 Yeah there have been people i've brought to these board game nights who have told me they would probably opt out of any game that included that guy. This is alarming to me because it is very destructive to everything we're trying to accomplish with these events. Also, as for examples/evidence, there was a new girl (I think her name is June) who played Game Of Thrones with us a few weeks ago, and Chris wasn't very nice to her for the entirely of the game....I haven't seen her back at the store since. Furthermore, he may not understand our semi/non-competitive have a goood time attitude towards group gaming. After our game of Lords Of Waterdeep I overheard him kind of depressingly explain to Aaron how he still hasn't won a board game, and how he feels like he needs to win one really badly. Also, Aaron who helps organize the raffle and board games for Nathaniel could be a good person to talk to. He's a really nice guy, an employee, and knows who Chris is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrotherSir Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 Its been stated already, but definitely bring Nathaniel in loop. He doesn't need to be directly involved unless things don't improve, or get worse, but he should know about the situation and support your course of action. I also haven't experienced the guy, but as someone who has little to no time, Id hate for the one moment I make it down to be soiled by some jerk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalmer Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 Hello there, If the stars align and I happen to be able to come down on board game night or other night he's there I would HAPPILY talk with him. Like, not even a second thought given to this... be happy to. Plus it goes with my "doing better on my end to game locally" plan... I'll be down the 30th and the 1st for 40k games so hopefully we'll have an introduction. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sergentzimm Posted April 27, 2014 Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 Also, it's looking like Ill have my kids this week. That should be easier to make it clear where the lines are. Keep the language civil around the kids, I know ironic coming from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
generalripphook Posted April 28, 2014 Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 Man that is downright disrespectful, keep the language civil around women and kids, thats a line no one should cross. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayne_Cobbb Posted April 28, 2014 Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 Is that Tall Chris? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smashthedean Posted April 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 He's not particularly tall. Just a pale dark haired dude. I'll be down next on Tuesday and will probably mention the guy to Nathaniel and that me or Joey or someone would be up for giving him an informal chat. I think that's probably the best first course of action rather than having an official store rep sit him down at this point, but we'll see what Nathaniel thinks. I feel like we've always done a good job of internally spreading our gaming values though so I'm hoping we can bring this guy into the fold rather than kick him to the curb. Either way though, I think the way he's acting definitely has to be dealt with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munkie Posted April 28, 2014 Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 Is Nathaniel planning on coming in on Tuesday? What with Wee Baby Gabe, I don't know that his schedule is as flexible as that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smashthedean Posted April 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 Yeah I'm not sure. I figured I'd just gamble on the chance of seeing him. If anyone else who attends board game night happens to see him this week, I wouldn't be opposed to someone else discussing it with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMGraham Posted April 28, 2014 Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 And for the love of all that's nerdy, if you are playing a game with someone who acts like a jerk, politely ask them to stop. If they don't, or if someone with whom you've had bad experiences wants to join a boardgame you're getting set to play, there's no reason you have to play with them. A simple, "Hey, I find [iNSERT BEHAVIOR HERE] to be [rude/offensive/off-putting/inappropriate]. Could you please tone it down?". Or a simple, "I'm sorry, but I don't want you to play this game with us" is the way this kind of thing should happen. We're a good, accepting bunch who don't reject folks out of hand, but sometimes this might get in the way of straight-forward communication and protecting basic human dignities. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
intrizic Posted April 28, 2014 Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 There is nothing wrong with being assertive, just don't be angry to be assertive. Also, you don't have to defend the decision either, especially if you are trying to get a game going. And some perspective on this from the other side of the coin.... I know I have stress and anger management issues, I also have trust issues. My biggest fear in 'joining', looking at you Kevin, the warhamsters is that my issues will get out of control and I will act up during a game. My SECOND biggest fear is that no one will tell me I'm an issue, so that I can work on it or work it out. Being up front helps me with both of these issues All that said, I haven't been following the entire thread, so that may or may not be relevant, but I've never let that stop me :D 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VonVilkee Posted April 28, 2014 Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 Relevance, schmelevance! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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