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Tell Me a Joke


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I'm bored, so very, very bored, and I can't find the old joke thread.  Make me laugh, I'll start things off.



A pro golfer who was passed his prime decided it was time for him to retire.  At his press conference, a reporter asked him what the secret to his years of success in the game had been.


"Well," he said, "I always had a knack for guessing the taint, and because of that I never had any trouble choosing which club I needed for my next shot."


Slightly confused, the reporter sat down and wrote the man's answer in his notebook.   Another reporter stood up and asked what had given the man the most trouble.


"Well," he said, "wind was always difficult for me, because a sharp breeze can really change the way that the ball will cross the taint."


Even more confused than the first reporter, the second sat down, and wrote down the answer in his notebook.  A third reporter stood and finally asked the man what he meant when referring to the "taint."


The man, looking stunned by the question, replied, "What are you people, idiots?!  The taint is the distance between the ball and the hole!"





Yuk yuk yuk.

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I'm very disappointed. When the flyer said “come watch the great dane cook live", I wasn’t expecting a white man telling bad jokes. I thought I payed $50 to watch a dog prepare a meal.


I told this one to a coworker, and he didn't get it.  I was so excited that he didn't know who Dane Cook was that I didn't care about the fail.  Dane Cook is my Nickleback.

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Guy walks into an ice cream parlor and the counter person asks, "What can I get for you?"


The customer looks around for a minute and they says, "Give me two scoops of chocolate."


A little embarrassed, the counterman replies, "I'm sorry sir, we are all out of chocolate today. Can I interest you in something else?"


"Oh yeah, no problem...just give me a minute.......okay, how about two scoops of chocolate?"


"Sir, I just said we are all out of chocolate...very sorry, but no chocolate. If there is something else?


"Oh man..yeah you did just say...sorry...being a little flaky today. Hmmmm....let me see....how about.....two scoops of chocolate?"


"Okay sir, let me try this another way...Can you spell the 'van' in vanilla?"


"uh...yeah..v a n."


"Okay great..now can you spell 'straw' in strawberry?"


"S t r a w"


"Super, doing great. Now, can you spell the 'f*ck' in chocolate?"


"There's no 'f*ck' in chocolate..."



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