scottshoemaker Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 At least it's not ugly. And the good news is that I can get some D&D in. I feel like I've failed, but the fact is we just weren't right anymore. So when I post here it's for therapy. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pretre Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 Dude, suck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Romans832 Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 Oh no :-( I'm so sorry Scott. Praying for you man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torg Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 it does - but you live through it. If it's for the right reasons - it is a good thing. You will be better for having done it. If possible - do it without lawyers (I did) and be "friends" with your ex… makes things so much easier when you both get a point of being better off apart than you were together. It's no one persons fault that things fall apart.. don't dwell on the "what -if's" or the blame as a former couple. I think my ex and I are finally to a point of being ok with each other - and what we had in the past as well as where things are now (its been 6? years apart… only 3 officially divorced). Friends perhaps - at least I like to think so. We have kids together - and we don't allow the other parent to be a scape goat - with the kids - of from the kids. My kids know I will not listen to it - if they can't respect both parents - even when the other parent is an ex and is not there… then they need to keep it to themselves. - don't dwell - and find more hobbies to keep your mind from being idle. -d 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadwing34 Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 I went through this myself, it was really hard, plus I have kids, which makes it even harder. But if you are just not getting along and you have tried every option (therapy etc). Its time to move along with your life and get some more gametime in...hell yah! I am in a better place now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ROGRE Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 I got divorced once, it was one of the best moves I've ever made. No joke. Best wishes man! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottshoemaker Posted November 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 I'm most worried about my kids. That was the hardest thing was to tell them. They didn't take it well when we told them, but they seem to be dealing with it ok. I'm sure it will be difficult when I finally move out at the end of the month. The irony is she and I are getting along better than we have in months. We are putting the kids first, and we will still be a team for them. There is so far no issues dividing up finances and things, as I'm the one who has to move (we currently live on the family farm, so it would be weird for her to move) I do get a freshish start, and I get to practice woodworking while I build myself some furniture. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burk Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 gaming man...get some gaming in......always a good therapy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMGraham Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 The irony is she and I are getting along better than we have in months. We are putting the kids first, and we will still be a team for them. More than anything, it's this attitude that's going to see you successfully through this. I've seen a lot of divorces, and the ability to keep a healthy parenting relationship even in the absence of a marital, romantic, or even friend relationship is clutch. There will be tough patches, but you've got to keep this in the forefront. I'm sorry for your loss, and it sounds like you're going about things in the right way. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentP Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 Sorry Scott, that's rough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadwing34 Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 I'm most worried about my kids. That was the hardest thing was to tell them. They didn't take it well when we told them, but they seem to be dealing with it ok. I'm sure it will be difficult when I finally move out at the end of the month. The irony is she and I are getting along better than we have in months. We are putting the kids first, and we will still be a team for them. There is so far no issues dividing up finances and things, as I'm the one who has to move (we currently live on the family farm, so it would be weird for her to move) I do get a freshish start, and I get to practice woodworking while I build myself some furniture. The hardest part was tell our kids as well. For the most part they are ok with it. But they still ask (its been over 2 years now) why we are not together. Its best to have a good open dialog with them about it and be willing to talk to them about it when they bring it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WestRider Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 In my own experience, as one of the kids, it was kind of rough for a while, but ended up clearly being for the best pretty quickly. My parents' marriage just wasn't working, and everything got better for both of them and my relationships with both of them after they came to terms with that and split. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Glacius Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 My deepest condolences Scott. My wife and I were almost there ourselves, and it was pure stubbornness and a great counselor that eventually got us back from the brink. It took a good year and a half though to work through it all. I'd be more than happy to share our counselor's info if you are interested. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raindog Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 I am so Sorry. Stay strong for your children. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dashneeb Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 I agree with one of the comments above. Sucked when I did it. Hurt. Was hard. Tough telling the kid. Worse having to break things up and move on. Still, best decision I made in that marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indytims Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 Been there myself (more than once), and I definitely agree with those others who posted before. It burns at first, especially since it's harder for us to accept change as we age (usually). But you seem to have a good mental grasp of the situation, understanding that it's best for all involved, and you're putting the kids first. My condolences, but best wishes to you and your kids! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last_Bullet Posted November 5, 2015 Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 Sorry good sir, I truly am. My wife and I almost went down this path ourselves. Professional Counseling, either together or separate, helps a lot. Please try it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottshoemaker Posted November 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 This isn't a sudden revelation, this has been a long road that has already had a separation, counseling, other efforts. We both agreed despite these things we still weren't happy. Rather than keep up with our roller coaster cycle we decided better to end before we get so bitter that it gets nasty or worse we affect the kids. Still hurts though. But we both deserve to be happy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don't Panic Posted November 5, 2015 Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 my condolences man, but it seems like you both are approaching this in the absolute best way. it really makes me happy to see people like you two being so mature and respectful of each other even in the darkest hours. speaks to both of you! unlike marriage which can be nullified and you go your separate ways: when you have children you are making an 18 year agreement to work together and treat each other with respect for the sake of those you will love forever. i was a child of a pretty brutal divorce and can tell you first hand that children need you to be respectful of each other cause it does have an effect on them whether you like it or not. When you fight in front of them, they cant help it but feel at partial fault because you wouldnt even be talking to each other if it wasnt for them existing... which can lead to them going through years of counseling, anti-socialization, anxiety and depression. looking at it through their eyes rather than your own really does help. sure you both would love to have the kids 24/7 but thats not going to be the reality of the situation. compromise is key in marriage and it is in divorce as well. heck it is in any type of relationship. emily and i both have talked about this even before marriage: people change. the person you marry at age X will not be the same person at years X+5 and possibly quite different at X+10 years. some people change together and some people change going in different directions. this is a part of life and not really anything you can control... it's why marriage is so freaking tough! ill be honest and say im happy i went through my parents poor example of extremely selfish and manipulative parenting because it has made me a pretty tough/observant cookie and it has taught me what NOT to do lol... but i definitely dont wish that on anyone else because one of my brothers i feel never really recovered from their antics psychologically. its going to be tough. no sugar coating it. but your mindset is perfect and you both will come out happier from it along with your kids. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duckman Posted November 5, 2015 Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 This isn't a sudden revelation, this has been a long road that has already had a separation, counseling, other efforts. We both agreed despite these things we still weren't happy. Rather than keep up with our roller coaster cycle we decided better to end before we get so bitter that it gets nasty or worse we affect the kids. Still hurts though. But we both deserve to be happy. I hate to see any marriage end, but I have supported friends through separation and divorce in the past because it's the right step for them. It sounds like you guys are making an informed choice and handling it well which makes a huge difference. Doesn't keep it from sucking for you guys but I applaud you for the way you're handling the kids and everything. At this point, all I can do is wish you the best and tell you to come vent here when you need to so it does not happen elsewhere when it shouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DisruptiveConduct Posted November 5, 2015 Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 Hey scott. Acrop? ;-) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
intrizic Posted November 5, 2015 Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 Been there, all the support in the world. Honestly, from reading the comments, it seems you are way ahead of the game, so to speak, now it's just about time and wounds. This is also a great time to remember who you are in the good and fun way :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottshoemaker Posted November 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 Hey scott. Acrop? ;-) Is the steak still cheap? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torg Posted November 5, 2015 Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 ... But we both deserve to be happy. this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torg Posted November 5, 2015 Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 Is the steak still cheap? man been a long time… worked there for over a year - cutting and cooking steak and the rest - great meat (farm raised) at least it used to be when I was working there… decades ago lol. -d 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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